Heading towards contentment?

I’m no where close to true happiness, but I appreciate it. Really, I never thought I could actually become someone who would appreciate. I could never admit that I can be heedless purely because Its a trait I hate in others, but truthfully, let myself become my enemy. I am now trying to pull myself out of it, though I do secretly enjoy it. It’s hard to explain, but really I don’t owe it to anyone to tell.

I desire so many things because, well, I fucking deserve it. I deserve great things. I’ve been good for far too long, but I still can not become as cold as he. Or can I?
My sympathy is limited. Disdain and regrets are all that I am and it’s time I get what I deserve, everything. All I ever wanted was the world.

It’s funny because I started this post a few days ago. The contrast is too evident to avoid the fact that I misread myself. I am just as unappreciative as I was 4 years ago when I hardened, I’m just not as frozen.

My head hurts. I don’t care.

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