I feel like I remember every detail of it but I know I don’t. I remember most, though. He had blond curly hair just like him but this guy was, lets say, prettier. Thicker skinned, emotionally and physically. About 6ft, beige skin tone, glasses and a loud voice. Mind you my voice is loud itself and I cannot be silenced but I seemed to have been quiet throughout most. Observing.
He was screaming a lot. About optimism being a myth. That life will give you lemons and squeeze them in your eyes. The apartment wasn’t the one I grew up in and my surroundings looked like New York. There was a glass bus shelter near my place and for some reason he decided to leave all his stuff there. It all got robbed and he screamed about that too. He just kept shouting about how alone he is. How he had nothing, not even his belongings. Really at that point I didn’t know what to say to him. I wanted to console him but I felt like I couldn’t. That he didn’t want to hear “everything will be okay” because even I don’t know if it would. He pulled me into his car, parked it in my garage and without asking grabbed my arm and walked me back to my room. He stopped swiftly and started to kiss me. Tugging my top down and staring at my breasts. He said he’s usually into small breasts but then started to suck mine anyways. All I remember from that point in regards to sex was that he lifted me up and walked us to my room.
The morning after he was laying next to me awake so when I opened my eyes he was there, staring at his watch in his hands. “I woke up 3 hours ago.” I apologised but he said shhh and brought us some crumpets. I just wondered how he knew his way around my kitchen considering I had no recollection of who this guy was, but I guess we knew each other. I had no recollection of any of it to be fair. The apartment the streets the bus stop. He was beautiful, though. Thick pink lips. Golden curly thick locks. Big brown almond coloured eyes. Glowing complexion. His arms were strong. It just seemed a bit unrealistic. Regardless he began to talk about what he was saying the evening before. How he never knew he’d end up this alone, considering how gorgeous he was. I mean I laughed it off but he told me that I don’t need to humor his superficial thoughts knowing damn well I found it shallow that he thought his looks alone would bring him comfort in life. We sat in silence then he turned to me and said he was glad he fucked me. I just gave him a look, but he proceeded to say why. He told me that he knew how I felt too. Similar to how he did, just I didn’t speak much on it. That I kind of accepted it and how I shouldn’t. “I haven’t met someone so similar to me as you yet so inexpressive about it. Have you given up? Do you honestly think this is the end of the road?” I kind of wanted to slap him because I thought this egotistical selfish douchebag is not me but I guess I was. I knew what he meant. We knew what we meant. I woke up.